Knights & Shining Armor

A recent conversation with a new friend caused some creative sparks to fly in my brain and now you will be subjected to the wordsmithing results of said conversation.  The discussion was a mild debate relating to the "roles" (if you will) of women and men in the reality of todays' world vs that of even 50 years ago and the ideals we have been brought up with/created for the other fully expecting said ideals to bring forth the happiness we seek in relationships.  I had mentioned an article I recently read per the recommendation of a friend and my opinions relating to said article.  The discussion that ensued was both entertaining and disheartening-- but all in all very enlightening.  I truly enjoy hearing the opinions and perceptions of others... helps me remember that the world doesn't revolve solely around me and my thoughts.  In fact, more often than not, the ideas of others are as good if not better than my own.  And so... since the subject matter to follow is largely that of love and finding it, and since today is/was Valentine's Day, I thought it a most appropriate.  Enjoy!

Every female on this planet from age 3 to 103 who has ever seen a Disney movie has their own version of this story, starring themselves as the peasant/damsel/maiden/princess who needs saving from some source of evil in her life.  Whether it's an over protective father, an evil step-mother, a wicked witch, the pressures of their impending coronation and subsequent royal responsibilities or just simply feeling alone in this world, the hope provided by the thought of a "Knight in Shining Armor" it's a very real dream for us all.  Regardless of scenery and background the basic idea of the story is very generally the same for all of us as well:

He strides in atop his lofty white stallion, mane billowing in the breeze.  His skillfully wrought armor gleaming and silver in the bright light of the sun, not a hint of imperfection in his person or presentation. His stature embodies that of strength and power.  He is, by all standards, the very picture of perfection. Very clearly a true and proven hero.  I mean, look at him… how could he not be? And then, upon defeating the impending evil about to befall his fair maiden he sweeps her off her feet with a passionate kiss and they gallop away into the brilliant pink and orange glow of a perfectly setting sun where they will live happily ever after.

The problem with this fairy tale for 99.99% of us in this day and age is that it will never be anything more than just that: a fairy tale and never a reality.  The first problem being that armor itself is a very outdated fashion statement and undoubtedly (from the looks of it) VERY uncomfortable.  So, the likelihood of finding a man willing to put it on in the first place without being paid a pretty penny to do so (let alone get onto the back of horse while wearing it) are slim to none.  Second, in most parts of the world horses have become obsolete as a means of travel, thereby making it highly unlikely that he will “ride in” on a stallion… nevermind a *white* one.   Third, and by no means the last, is that women have become determined to be their own hero.  For whatever the reason, we feel a need to prove to the world that we are absolutely equal and in many ways superior, to our male counterparts which makes it incredibly hard for Knights to do their jobs--so they don't.  I’m all for “to each their own” and I wish all the best to those women for whom that mentality works, but I’m jumping the fence on this particular issue.

I’m not gonna lie.  I’ve had moments (ok ok, they were years) when, based on my own experiences with relationships, the last thing I wanted was for some man to come sweeping into my life with the arrogant audacity to think I needed him or that he could save my day. I dared any one of them to attempt defeating the demons and dragons in my life.  They’d been around so long they felt more like guardian gargoyles atop the perfectly constructed walls of the painstakingly built fortress specifically designed to keep me safe, than enemies set to destroy all evidence of hope and happiness in my life. 

No, sir—this damsel was far beyond the skills and ability of ANY knight and she didn’t need saving anyway… so there.  Hmph.  Reality check = Epic Fail. I’ve recently come to the absolute and unequivocal realization that I am but one half of an eventual whole.  I can’t be my whole world and everything in it.  I need balance.  I need structure.  I need guidance.  I need support.  I need to be held.  I need to be touched.  I need to accept that there are just some things that I’ll never be able to accomplish by myself—and that’s ok.  That’s how it’s supposed to be.  It’s ok to need someone.  It’s ok to ask for help.  It’s ok to accept help when it’s offered.

Having said that, I will be the first to admit that my favorite Disney/Pixar  animated feature of all time is Brave. Why, you ask?  No, it isn't just the bagpipes, Scottish accents, kilts and all around Celtic awesomeness of the story—though all those things are VERY high on the list of reasons to love it.  It’s because her happily ever after didn't include a Prince.  She knew she wasn't ready for that particular “happily ever after” and didn't allow herself to be bullied/forced into something she didn't want.  She stood up and said ‘no’.  I’m learning that ‘no’ is a very powerful word and there’s nothing wrong with using it when and how I choose.  Pleasing people isn't all about saying ‘yes’ to everyone about everything all the time.  More often than not, it’s ok to say ‘no’ and people won’t even get mad at you.  It’s taken me 30 years to realize this, and it’s been quite the eye-opening lesson.  Very liberating.

Now, circling back to Knights and Armor.  I have a very special soft spot in my heart for period films depicting the courtier days of old and truly wish I could have experienced them first hand.  I would obviously do so as Royal of course, because no one ever imagines being a serf when placing themselves in that historical moment of medieval fantasy.  I’d settle for Lady in Waiting or even Hand Maid—bottom line is I get to live in the castle, and that’s not open for discussion.  The point would be to experience it in all of its fairy tale splendor.  The lack of television, internet and smart phones would provide for actual intimacy and privacy.  The absence of over-stimulation from virtual sources would require the use of real and vivid imagination for entertainment and communication.  Children would stay outside from dawn to dusk without knowing boredom.  Star-crossed lovers would pass handwritten sonnets professing their undying love and devotion for each other through the passion of poetic verses, to be cherished by the object of their affection as tokens of true longing and desire.  People knew each other because they actually talked to one another—in person… like face to face.  Weird, eh?  Sounds blissful to me.  Yah, OK it was dirty  and they didn't have running water or hair dryers or Oreo cookies.  And you had to wait sometimes weeks instead of seconds to actually *get* one of these cherished messages from you true love, but medieval times were simpler and I long for simpler. Also, they had awesome clothes and it was ok to be a little curvy.  lol

Robin Hood is one of my absolute favorites when it comes to period tales.  I own several different film versions of the story, Russel Crowe's performance released in 2010 being my favorite by far.  I love the *idea* of this story and the dreamlike existence it provides me as an escape from my modern reality.  What does all of this have to do with Knights and Armor you ask?  I’ll tell you.  Brute strength, battle scars and marred armor.  If you don’t have a copy of Robin Hood starring Russell Crowe—find a copy and watch it.  Not only is it a fantastic movie but it proves my point (see also A Knights Tale—Heath Ledger carries armor well, lol) The best, bravest and most noble of men truly worthy of the title Knight (at least in my opinion) are those whose armor is scraped, scarred and tarnished with the clear evidence of true battle, which by all rights and definitions is as it should be.  A Knight is a Defender, not someone who stands idly by and allows for wrong to happen in his presence.  He is a Protector of his home, his land and his loved ones.  He is worthy of the title Sir, because of great personal achievements or public service. He is a Champion in the truest sense of the word. 

So while I value my independence and individuality, I look forward to meeting and knowing my other half.  I wait patiently for my Knight to ride in—not necessarily to save me or the day, but more to find the rewards and fulfillment he has sought after in his quest for his other half.  He will be my Defender.  He will be my Protector.  He will not be threatened by my independence or my individuality.  He will know with absolute certainty that I love to dance with my whole heart and if he doesn't already know how he will want to learn, because he knows nothing would make me happier than to dance in the sweet tranquility of his arms.  He will not feel the need to overshadow my personality.  He will not feel the need to belittle me or discredit my worth in public or private.  He will encourage me to always be better in the next moment than I was in the last.  He will hold me close when I need support.  He will allow me to fly when and how I need to without fear that I won’t return home.  He will tenderly push me toward my full potential as both a woman and a human being always insisting I do my very best and settling for nothing less than exactly that.  He will never doubt my abilities or my capabilities and he will remind me of them often.  He will constantly challenge me to improve upon myself and to bring others up with me as I grow and develop.  He will be my Champion in all things and I will be his.  We will laugh, cry, live, love and grow old together because when two people truly and honestly share things such as this in life, always pushing the other toward something better they will always come to find that something better in each other.

I look forward to the scars and tarnish of life he will carry on his Armor.  For ‘shine’, much like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder.  I will adore and marvel at my Knight and his Armor will truly shine for me—having not an inch without the scars and marks of true battle, it will shine bright as the sparks in my eyes when I think of him.  

And really, that’s all I need to live happily ever after in my fairy tale.   No big deal.  ;)